Article by Phoenix writer Grace Andino ’25:
“Are you interested in becoming a Eucharistic Minister?”
The bolded letters on the front of St. Thomas the Apostle’s Church bulletin made my heart jump.
Though an 8-year-old me who received her Sacraments of Initiation and altar served for St. Thomas would have been ecstatic to know her opportunity to distribute the Eucharist finally came, an unfamiliar fear grew within me instead.
Though I have served God all my life, I wondered if I was truly worthy enough to serve Him in such a personal way as an EM does. To distribute the Eucharist is such a humble role, one I didn’t feel “holy” enough for at the time.
While I had started to truly know Him for myself in high school, serving others is what most strengthened my relationship with God. On Kellenberg’s Marianist LIFE Team, CROSS, Senior Homeroom Mentor, and Junior Retreat Staff, I have become a strengthened witness to Christ through my acts. But physically giving others the Bread of Life? It felt like another level.
Conflicted on whether to sign up, I turned to my definite life vest: my Bible. This particular night, I continued my reading of 1 Samuel and stumbled upon the familiar story of David and Goliath.
If a boy who everyone believed was unfit to defeat a giant could do so with a mere stone and faith, I began to imagine the lengths God would take me if I simply rested in his timing. With that, I signed up.
After months of training sessions and observations, it was finally the day. On this past Feast of the Epiphany, I arrived early to St. Thomas. I journeyed to the Sacristy, signed the EM attendance sheet, and greeted Fr. Tony as I reached my normal seat.
Sitting in the seventh pew to the left, I watched as the Church filled up: children wearing crowns, families beaming proudly at their kids, and college students whom I knew from St. Thomas’s Catholic School. A feeling of nostalgia washed over me as I saw Mrs. Pellegrino, the woman who trained me as an altar server and helped me to receive my First Holy Communion, guiding the second-grade communion candidates to their seats.
As Mass continued I only grew more anxious. Fr. Tony opened his homily up with a typical anecdote– this one about the drones in the media- and my mind could not have been further. “What if I trip and fall with the Eucharist? What if I walk weirdly?” My worries consumed me as these what-ifs drowned out Fr. Tony’s words.
After some time, I put my thoughts aside and regained my focus on the homily. Connecting his spiel on the drones in the sky to the star the Wise Men followed to find Jesus, Fr. Tony reminded us that things that initially seem scary or terrifying aren’t always such; sometimes they are part of something bigger.
Fr. Tony concluded, and I began to channel his words to the thoughts that plagued me. Beyond my battle to decide if I was fit to be an EM, I further struggled to determine my worth in the college admissions process. The decisions that would be made from my grades, essays, and test scores– factors beyond my control– made me uncertain whether I was fit for my dream schools.
With the uncertainty of my future or what would happen in the next ten minutes, all I could do was trust. Within my unknowing, I realized I had to surrender control of my life to God and praise Him despite the outcome: If I fall giving the Eucharist, I fall. If I don’t get into the schools I want, that’s ok.
Just as David took up his sling and stone, my commitment to God guided my feet toward the altar. At that moment, I realized I had to find it within myself to believe all of my doubts and fears were incomparable to the plan He had for my life.
Every former negative thought I had washed away as I made my way down the center aisle, ciborium in hand. I started to serve the Body to those in my line, and unlike my initial trepidation reading the bulletin’s bolded words, a sense of joy surged throughout my body.
Serving others is the most humbling, authentic role that we can perform as Catholics. It is when we strip off the weight of our human nature, riddled with self-doubt and anxiety, and surrender our whole self towards others that we become fully aligned with God’s plan for us.
Obeying God’s plan is rooted in a knowledge of one’s inherent self. Despite the pervading misconceptions of today’s media that dictate the person one should become, ranging from products that “everyone needs” or personality traits that are deemed societal anomalies, we are always enough for God. Our fears, worries, and doubts are His fuel to create change in our lives. What we as humans view as imperfections or weaknesses are only outlets for God to work within us.
With each “the Body of Christ” I say and the warm smile I give, I will continue to abide in Him, laying down my humanity for a plan that has yet to be revealed to me.